{"id":5384,"date":"2013-02-01T15:21:55","date_gmt":"2013-02-01T13:21:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kortopsikoloji.com\/dergi\/?p=874"},"modified":"2013-02-01T15:21:55","modified_gmt":"2013-02-01T13:21:55","slug":"catisma-her-zaman-olumsuz-degildir","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/korto.com.tr\/en\/catisma-her-zaman-olumsuz-degildir\/","title":{"rendered":"\u00c7ATI\u015eMA HER ZAMAN OLUMSUZ DE\u011e\u0130LD\u0130R"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dr. G\u00f6k\u00e7e Bulgan<\/strong><\/p>\n

E\u015finizle\/partnerinizle, arkada\u015flar\u0131n\u0131zla veya birlikte \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z ki\u015filerle ne \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcde anla\u015fmazl\u0131k ya\u015fars\u0131n\u0131z? Kar\u015f\u0131n\u0131zdaki ki\u015fiyle fikirleriniz uyu\u015fmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 zaman ne yapars\u0131n\u0131z? G\u00fcnl\u00fck ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131zda ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z anla\u015fmazl\u0131klarla daha iyi ba\u015f edebilmek ve \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmalar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 olumluya \u00e7evirebilmek m\u00fcmk\u00fcn. Gelin bu konuya hep birlikte g\u00f6z atal\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Kendimize ve yak\u0131n \u00e7evremizdeki insanlara bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda bizi bir arada tutan \u00f6zellikler gibi birbirimizden ay\u0131ran farkl\u0131l\u0131klar da oldu\u011funu g\u00f6r\u00fcr\u00fcz. Ya\u015f, cinsiyet, aile yap\u0131s\u0131, ki\u015filik \u00f6zellikleri, de\u011ferler, hayat g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fc, ihtiya\u00e7lar ve beklentiler bu farkl\u0131l\u0131klardan sadece baz\u0131lar\u0131. S\u00f6z konusu farkl\u0131l\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fczde iki insan\u0131n g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015flerinin birbirine uymamas\u0131 veya birbirinden olduk\u00e7a farkl\u0131 olmas\u0131 son derece normal. Hepimiz zaman zaman ki\u015fisel ve profesyonel hayat\u0131m\u0131zda g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f ayr\u0131l\u0131klar\u0131, anla\u015fmazl\u0131klar, hatta \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmalar ya\u015fayabiliyoruz. Bazen kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdaki ki\u015fiyle fikrimiz uyu\u015fmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 zaman bunu a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7a s\u00f6yleriz, bazen de beden dilimizi kullanarak ayn\u0131 fikirde olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdakine ifade ederiz.<\/p>\n

\"\"Peki ya ondan sonras\u0131? Ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z anla\u015fmazl\u0131\u011f\u0131 g\u00f6rmezden mi gelirsiniz, g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f ayr\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 kabullenip anla\u015fma yolunda ad\u0131m m\u0131 atars\u0131n\u0131z, yoksa kendi g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fczde diretip konunun tart\u0131\u015fma yoluyla b\u00fcy\u00fcmesine imkan m\u0131 verirsiniz?<\/p>\n

G\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f ayr\u0131l\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131za sayg\u0131 duyup kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdakinin fikrini kabul edemedi\u011fimizde anla\u015fmazl\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131z \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmaya d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015febilir. \u00c7at\u0131\u015fma, anla\u015fmazl\u0131\u011f\u0131n yo\u011fun ya\u015fand\u0131\u011f\u0131 durumlarda ortaya \u00e7\u0131kan fikir, de\u011fer, istek, ama\u00e7 ve ilgilerimizin kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdakiyle uyu\u015fmamas\u0131 ve baz\u0131 durumlarda bunlar\u0131n tehdit edildi\u011fi alg\u0131s\u0131d\u0131r. Fikir, de\u011fer, istek, ama\u00e7 ve ilgilerimizin tehdit edildi\u011fini alg\u0131layan beynimizse yo\u011fun stres, kayg\u0131 ve korku anlar\u0131nda verdi\u011fi \u201csava\u015f ya da ka\u00e7\u201d mesaj\u0131yla v\u00fccudumuzda kan bas\u0131nc\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n artmas\u0131 gibi fizyolojik tepkilere neden olabilir. \u00c7at\u0131\u015fma durumlar\u0131nda ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z bu stres ve olumsuz duygular\u0131m\u0131zla sa\u011fl\u0131kl\u0131 ba\u015f edemedi\u011fimizde kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdakinin beden dilini yanl\u0131\u015f okuyabilir, s\u00f6ylenenleri do\u011fru duyamayabilir, kendi duygular\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n ve ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n fark\u0131nda olamayabilir, dolay\u0131s\u0131yla kendimizi a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7a ifade edemeyebiliriz.<\/p>\n

\u00c7at\u0131\u015fma \u00c7\u00f6zme Yollar\u0131<\/h3>\n

\u00c7at\u0131\u015fmalar\u0131 farkl\u0131 \u015fekillerde ele al\u0131r, \u00e7\u00f6zmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131r\u0131z. Bu \u00e7at\u0131\u015fma \u00e7\u00f6zme yollar\u0131n\u0131 \u015fu \u015fekilde \u00f6zetleyebiliriz:<\/p>\n

Ka\u00e7\u0131nma:<\/strong>\u00a0Ka\u00e7\u0131nma, \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmay\u0131 yaratan olaydan ve ki\u015fiden uzak durma olarak tan\u0131mlanabilir. Ka\u00e7\u0131nma davran\u0131\u015f\u0131, ancak \u00e7at\u0131\u015fma i\u00e7in uygun zaman ve yer de\u011filse kullan\u0131labilir. Ancak ka\u00e7\u0131nman\u0131n fazla kullan\u0131m\u0131n\u0131n, sorunlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n birikip uzun vadede bizim i\u00e7in daha \u00e7ok s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131 yarataca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6z \u00f6n\u00fcne almakta fayda var.<\/p>\n

Uyma:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00c7at\u0131\u015fmaya neden olan sorun veya olay, kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdaki ki\u015fi i\u00e7in, bizim i\u00e7in oldu\u011fundan daha \u00f6nemliyse aram\u0131zdaki ili\u015fkiyi korumak ad\u0131na kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdakine uymay\u0131 tercih edebiliriz.<\/p>\n

\"\"Rekabet etme:<\/strong>\u00a0Hakl\u0131 olmak ve \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmay\u0131 kazanmak \u00f6nemliyse veya zaman\u0131m\u0131z s\u0131n\u0131rl\u0131ysa ve bir konuda \u00e7abuk karar vermemiz gerekiyorsa rekabet etmeyi tercih edebiliriz. \u00c7at\u0131\u015fmalarda rekabet etme e\u011filimi g\u00f6sterdi\u011fimizde \u201cAmac\u0131m ne?\u201d sorusunu kendimize sormam\u0131z ve fark\u0131ndal\u0131k kazanmam\u0131z \u00f6nemli. Fark\u0131ndal\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z artt\u0131k\u00e7a ili\u015fkimize zarar vermemek i\u00e7in kendimizi do\u011fru ifade etmeye ve kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdakini k\u0131rmadan g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fc payla\u015fmaya \u00f6zen g\u00f6steririz. B\u00f6ylelikle y\u0131k\u0131c\u0131 olabilecek bir \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmay\u0131 yap\u0131c\u0131 \u015fekle d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcrebiliriz.<\/p>\n

Uzla\u015fma:<\/strong>\u00a0Uzla\u015fma, \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmadaki bireyleri k\u0131smen de olsa mutlu edecek bir ortak noktan\u0131n bulunmas\u0131d\u0131r. \u00d6nemli bir sorun i\u00e7in uygun \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcme ula\u015f\u0131lmak isteniyorsa uzla\u015fma y\u00f6n\u00fcnde \u00e7aba sarf etmemiz gerekir.<\/p>\n

\u0130\u015f birli\u011fi yapma:<\/strong>\u00a0\u0130\u015f birli\u011fi yapmak \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmay\u0131 yaratan sorun veya olayla y\u00fczle\u015ferek duygu ve g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015flerimizi kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdaki ki\u015fiye ifade etmeyi gerektirir. \u0130\u015f birli\u011fi yaparken \u00e7at\u0131\u015fma halindeki herkesin ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131 ve \u00e7\u0131karlar\u0131 g\u00f6zetildi\u011fi ve \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcm i\u00e7in birlikte hareket edildi\u011finden en etkili \u00e7at\u0131\u015fma \u00e7\u00f6zme yoludur.<\/p>\n

Hepimiz duruma, \u00e7at\u0131\u015fman\u0131n tipine, \u00e7at\u0131\u015fma ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z ki\u015fiye veya ki\u015filik \u00f6zelliklerimize uygun olarak bu \u00e7at\u0131\u015fma \u00e7\u00f6zme yollar\u0131n\u0131 farkl\u0131 zamanlarda kullanabiliyoruz. \u00d6nemli olan, etkili \u00e7at\u0131\u015fma \u00e7\u00f6zmeyi ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n bir par\u00e7as\u0131 haline getirerek, yarars\u0131z olanlar\u0131 m\u00fcmk\u00fcn oldu\u011funca daha az s\u0131kl\u0131kla kullanmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmakt\u0131r.<\/p>\n

Y\u0131k\u0131c\u0131 \u00c7at\u0131\u015fmalar\u0131 Engellemek M\u00fcmk\u00fcn<\/h3>\n

Anla\u015fmazl\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n y\u0131k\u0131c\u0131 \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmalara d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fmesini engellemek i\u00e7in \u015funlar\u0131 denemek faydal\u0131 olabilir:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/strong><\/p>\n

Kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdaki ki\u015fiyi su\u00e7lamaktan ka\u00e7\u0131nmak:<\/em> Bazen bir duruma sinirlendi\u011fimizde kendimize veya i\u00e7inde bulundu\u011fumuz duruma objektif bakmaktansa kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdaki ki\u015fiyi su\u00e7lama e\u011filiminde oluruz. Kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdakini su\u00e7lamak, su\u00e7lanan ki\u015finin kendini geri \u00e7ekmesine, savunmaya ge\u00e7mesine veya \u00f6fkeyle tepki vermesine neden olabilir.<\/p>\n

Genellemeler yapmaktan ka\u00e7\u0131nmak:<\/em> Kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdakini ele\u015ftiriyorsak \u201cSen her zaman \u2026,\u201d \u201cSen hi\u00e7bir zaman \u2026\u201d gibi genellemeler yapmak yerine rahats\u0131z oldu\u011fumuz duruma veya olaya dair tek bir g\u00f6zlemimizi payla\u015fabiliriz.<\/p>\n

Her defas\u0131nda tek bir soruna odaklanmak:<\/em> K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck belirgin bir sorun b\u00fcy\u00fct\u00fcl\u00fcp konudan sapt\u0131r\u0131l\u0131rsa m\u00fcdahale edilebilecek bir sorun \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcms\u00fczl\u00fc\u011fe s\u00fcr\u00fcklenebilir. Ayn\u0131 anda birka\u00e7 sorunun sava\u015f\u0131n\u0131 vermek yerine zaman\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 ve enerjimizi tek bir problemin \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc \u00fczerine harcayabiliriz.<\/p>\n

\u0130li\u015fkinin devaml\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6nemli oldu\u011fu fark etmek: <\/em>\u0130li\u015fkimizin devam etmesinin ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z anla\u015fmazl\u0131ktan \u00e7ok daha \u00f6nemli oldu\u011funu fark etti\u011fimizde kulland\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z s\u00f6zc\u00fcklere ve beden dilimize daha fazla \u00f6zen g\u00f6sterip yap\u0131c\u0131 olmaya gayret ederiz.<\/p>\n

\u00c7at\u0131\u015fma \u00c7\u00f6zmeye Dair Birka\u00e7 \u00d6neri<\/h3>\n
    \n
  • De\u011fi\u015fime \u00f6nce kendimizden ba\u015flamak her zaman en iyi ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7 noktalar\u0131ndand\u0131r. Ki\u015fisel ve profesyonel ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131zda \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmalar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 nas\u0131l \u00e7\u00f6zd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fc fark etmek, \u00a0\u2018Kulland\u0131\u011f\u0131m y\u00f6ntemler ne kadar etkili?\u2019 ve \u2018Kendimi nas\u0131l geli\u015ftirebilirim?\u2019 sorular\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcnde d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmek, ili\u015fkilerimizde de\u011fi\u015ftirmek istedi\u011fimiz noktalar\u0131 fark etti\u011fimizde ilk ad\u0131m\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdakinden beklemek yerine de\u011fi\u015fime \u00f6nc\u00fc olmak olduk\u00e7a etkili olabilir.<\/li>\n
  • Ba\u015fkalar\u0131na \u2013 \u00f6zellikle \u00e7ocuklar\u0131m\u0131za \u2013 etkin \u00e7at\u0131\u015fma \u00e7\u00f6zme becerileri kazand\u0131rmak istiyorsak \u00e7ocuklar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n \u00f6ncelikle bizleri model ald\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 unutmamal\u0131 ve onlara \u00f6rnek olacak \u015fekilde davranman\u0131n \u00f6nemi yads\u0131nmamal\u0131.<\/li>\n
  • \u00c7at\u0131\u015fmalar yeni ve yarat\u0131c\u0131 fikirlerin ortaya \u00e7\u0131kmas\u0131na arac\u0131l\u0131k edebilirler. Bu nedenle \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmalar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 y\u0131k\u0131c\u0131 yerine yap\u0131c\u0131 deneyimlemenin kendi elimizde oldu\u011funu hat\u0131rlayarak \u00e7at\u0131\u015fma an\u0131nda se\u00e7ti\u011fimiz s\u00f6zc\u00fcklere ve beden dilimizin verdi\u011fi mesajlara dikkat etmek i\u015fe yarayabilir.<\/li>\n
  • Ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmalar\u0131 kendi geli\u015fimimiz ve ili\u015fkilerimizde daha iyiye d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm i\u00e7in birer f\u0131rsat olarak de\u011ferlendirebiliriz. Birbirimizden \u00f6\u011frenebilece\u011fimiz \u00e7ok \u015fey oldu\u011funu g\u00f6z \u00f6n\u00fcne alarak farkl\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015flerin bizi zenginle\u015ftirmesine olanak vermek de bu noktada \u00f6nemlidir.<\/li>\n
  • \u0130li\u015fkilerimizde t\u0131kand\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 ve benzer sorunlar\u0131n sava\u015f\u0131n\u0131 tekrar tekrar verdi\u011fimizi fark etti\u011fimizde bir uzmandan yard\u0131m almaktan \u00e7ekinmemeli.<\/li>\n<\/ul>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Dr. G\u00f6k\u00e7e Bulgan E\u015finizle\/partnerinizle, arkada\u015flar\u0131n\u0131zla veya birlikte \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z ki\u015filerle ne \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcde anla\u015fmazl\u0131k ya\u015fars\u0131n\u0131z? Kar\u015f\u0131n\u0131zdaki ki\u015fiyle fikirleriniz uyu\u015fmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 zaman ne yapars\u0131n\u0131z? G\u00fcnl\u00fck ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131zda ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z anla\u015fmazl\u0131klarla daha iyi ba\u015f edebilmek ve \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmalar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 olumluya \u00e7evirebilmek m\u00fcmk\u00fcn. Gelin bu konuya hep birlikte g\u00f6z atal\u0131m. Kendimize ve yak\u0131n \u00e7evremizdeki insanlara bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda bizi bir arada tutan \u00f6zellikler gibi birbirimizden ay\u0131ran farkl\u0131l\u0131klar […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":6714,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[26,27,281],"tags":[274,275,276,253,277,278,279,280,68,282],"class_list":["post-5384","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-cift-iliski-evlilik-psikolojisi","category-kapak-yazisi","category-subat-2013","tag-aile-terapisi","tag-anlasmazlik","tag-catisma-cozme-yollari","tag-catisma","tag-cift-terapisi","tag-gorus-ayriliklari","tag-iliski-psikologu","tag-iliski-terapisi","tag-iliskiler","tag-tartisma"],"blocksy_meta":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/korto.com.tr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5384","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/korto.com.tr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/korto.com.tr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/korto.com.tr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/korto.com.tr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5384"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/korto.com.tr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5384\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/korto.com.tr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6714"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/korto.com.tr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5384"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/korto.com.tr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5384"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/korto.com.tr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5384"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}